PPD

Here I am at 3:30am. I’ve been up for about an hour now. 

I’m battling a 3 year old who doesn’t want to sleep in his own bed and a 2 month old who was woken by his screaming brother. 

I haven’t showered in days, my hair hasn’t been washed in about a week. I’m not sure what part of my shirt doesn’t have spit up or boogers on it, and there’s no telling what food is stuck to my pants at the moment. But just like this, just as I am right now, I’m so tempted to just run. It’s taking everything I have in me right now to not grab my keys and run out the door. To what? I’m not sure. Fresh air and some peace and quite? I don’t know. 

I have no idea what exact feeling I’m feeling right now. Fed up with my toddler for sure. Dead ass tired. A little hungry. Hopeful that today will be a better day despite this ugly beginning. Terror because I’m sure these fits are in my very near future throughout the day. 

I’m at the point where I’m ready to throw in the towel. 2 kids is not what I wanted right now. But here I am. Do I just suck it up? At the moment I don’t want to spend another day at home. I don’t want to be a stay at home mom any more. I feel like I don’t have anything to give anymore. 

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